Tonight, I’ll share a bit of my personal struggle…false kindreds. What does that mean? I’ve given that too much thought today, and it was a downer for a part of my day. I had to get out with people I love and who love me, in order to bring my spirit back up. And it worked!
For me, a false kindred is one of those people that you really connect with, but they don’t give a lick about you. I’m not talking about busy people who don’t have much time. That’s a phase. I’m not talking about periods of life when people are dealing with their own gunk. That too will pass, if they’re a true kindred. I’m talking about people who might pretend to like you for a time, but deep down, they just don’t.
I’ve chased after too many false kindreds during the time I’ve tried to figure out who I am. Unfortunately, like me, you probably won’t know someone is a false kindred until you’ve already been hurt by them. But if you stop and think about them, you see a pattern that was all about them. There wasn’t much, if any, reciprocal interest.
What started to tie me in knots today was seeing a report about someone I once thought was a kindred. It was a promotion. And for about 20 minutes I got obsessive, trying to see what the new role was all about. I forgot I’ve been preaching to myself about feeling comfortable with who I am. All that went right out the window for that brief time that jealousy ate me up. Instead of being happy for this person’s growth, I began putting myself down. Isn’t it crazy how we do that? But I know I was listening to the critical voice inside of me, instead of that voice of wisdom.
Here’s the thing: we don’t need to focus on those people who aren’t going to be our kindreds. I’m not saying we should be ugly to them. No! We should feel happy for their growth, just like we are happy with our own growth. If we see them, we can be kind to them. We just don’t need to get tied up about them. It’s simply a waste of time.
DAY 57 HOMEWORK: Focus on those people who you know are your kindreds. And never stop putting yourself out there to see if the people you connect with are going to be kindreds. Life’s too short to have regrets about who doesn’t end up a kindred. And there’s too many kindreds to focus on going forward to get bogged down by the past. Grow forth!