Day 115: A special kindred

Why do I blog? I often ask myself that question. Anything put on the internet is there for everyone to see. Especially for a private perfectionist under reformation, it’s unnerving to know that others see what I’m writing and can judge me. And, even inside of me, it’s unnerving to go back and read my own writing. I cringe when I see grammatical or typographical errors, or poor structure, or shallow thoughts.

So why is Finding Kindreds such an important project for me? To put myself through embarrassment and judgment? Who does that to themselves?

At 115 days into this project, I’m finding a kindred within myself. I’m realizing it’s ok not to be perfect. I can let errors roll off my back, and walk on without shame. If someone points out an error, or judges something I say, I can shrug it off and still fall asleep as I lay my head down at night. Six months ago, I would have played the errors, or judgments, or silly commentary over and over in my mind and paralyzed myself with shame.

So why do I blog? I’m blogging for me. I’m hoping that by the time I get to Day 365, that I will more freely speak my mind without pre-editing, without embarrassment or shame, regardless of the judgment I may sense. My empathy strength is so strong that I most often shut down my own opinions so that I don’t offend anyone, but in doing so, I have cut off my soul. My personality has shut down and I’d really like to let that kindred back out because I like her. She has a voice worth hearing.

DAY 115 HOMEWORK: Do you like the kindred inside of you? If not, what do you need to do to get back in touch with that most-important kindred? Do a little soul-searching yourself.

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