I like who I’m becoming. I find it odd that I had to get to mid-life, post-menopausal me to become someone I actually like. Maybe this is my mid-life crisis. Tired of the people-pleasing, no-wake-allowed mentality. Tired of tiptoeing around feelings in order to hide my own. Tired of putting myself on fire to keep others warm.
Sure, I’m still loving and considerate. It’s who God made me to be. Yes, I care about others’ feelings. Yes, I’ll give someone my coat if he needs to keep warm. Don’t get me wrong: I am not pushing to be #1. But I’m no longer allowing myself to step on me.
I hope you get what I mean.
I did that for so long, that it took me years to break those habits. I had to walk a dark path to come out on the lighted side. I didn’t like that road, but I do like where it took me. I have a song in my heart again. I’m feeling sweet again. My heart is finally fluttering again. I feel like I’m blooming in a sunny window and bringing so much pleasure to my heavenly father. And, just maybe, to those around me.
I can’t say that every day will be sunshine, but I am becoming, and I like it.
DAY 144 HOMEWORK: Do you allow yourself to step on you? STOP IT! That’s more than enough for today.