Day 301: Have you read this yet?

I am terrible at negotiating. My empathy is off the charts, and that can be a huge weakness when it comes to give and take. I just want to give. But I’m learning that it’s more than ok to give and take.

Yesterday, I wrote about emotional intelligence and shared some thoughts spurred by Blue Ocean Brain. Today, I continue on, provoked by a second article they posted. This one was about microexpressions, and vocal tones to influence people. They posted a short YouTube video by Chris Voss, former international kidnapping negotiator for the FBI:


Voss shares his strategies for great negotiations:

Get Them to Say “No”
Every ‘yes’ someone offers can feel as though they are giving in to the other side. Offering people an opportunity to say no provides the other person a measure of control and creates a sense of security. Ask no-questions like: “Have you given up on this piece of the project?” and, “Is it too late to try and work this out?“

Match Their Words
Try repeating one of the last three words the other person just said. It quickly establishes rapport and makes your counterpart feel safe enough to reveal themselves. It also helps to slow the conversation down, providing you both time to think.

Use Some Empathy
Show your counterpart that you are working to understand their feelings. Phrases like, “It sounds like you are upset with…” and, “It looks like you’re afraid that if…” to create trust.

OK. I can certainly do that last one, and if I work at it, I can do the other two. Half the battle is being aware, so I guess I’m halfway there.

DAY 301 HOMEWORK: Which of these three are you good at? If you’re good at all three, then come help me. If you need work on any of them, practice with a friend or even try listening in on a conversation to see if you can practice them in your head while others are talking. Let me know how that goes.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s