Day 345: The long and winding road

I know I’m on the road. It’s taking me somewhere, and it’s OK not to know where. When I got up this morning to get ready for Sunday School, I must have been a bit out of it. I took my nighttime meds instead of my morning meds…not a big issue, except that my nighttime meds make me sleepy. It was sort of a happy accident, because I took an awesome Sunday afternoon nap, but I did sit and cry through most of that Sunday School class. The cool thing is that I didn’t have to explain myself; I just had the love and support of those in the class. A dear heart came and sat with me, and just hugged on me ever-so-sweetly.

The main points of The Gifts of Imperfection, by Brene’ Brown, have showed me that I’m walking towards whole-hearted living. She says, in that book, to let go of:

  • What people think
  • Perfectionism
  • Numbing and powerlessness
  • Scarcity and fear of the dark
  • Need for certainty
  • Comparison
  • Exhaustion as a status symbol and productivity as self-worth
  • Anxiety as a lifestyle
  • Self-doubt and “supposed to”
  • Being cool and “always in control”

There’s no way that, before, I would have let others see me in the emotional state of this morning. Before, I would have walked out of the classroom before the tears came. I would have scolded myself for not staying in control. I know that I still fight some fiery arrows hurling my way, because twice today, people offered for me to reach out to them in the coming week, and my internal voice knee-jerked: “Yeah, that’s not going to happen.” But,  I will. I need others; and they need me. I have things that can help them on their road, and sometimes, I just need those who will come and walk beside me for a few miles.

It’s #FindingKindreds at its heart…being OK with not being OK. Connecting with those along the journey. Helping others, and allowing them to help you. It’s not being normal and acknowledging that that is totally normal. It’s breaking down walls of shame and self-doubt, and letting go the need to live up to what we imagine others think we should be. It’s a beautiful, glorious, but sometimes painful road, and we need not walk alone, for any of it.

DAY 345 HOMEWORK: Look back at the bulleted list from Brene’s book. Which ones strike a chord with you? Maybe you need to get the book.

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